Maybe the name of the game is to stay away from shame. Selfishness, Self-Centeredness, that we think is the root of our problems. In the midst of our instinctual drives for more security or love than is due to us, we step on the toes of others – they in turn retaliate – and we don’t understand why! This shame cycle, this bondage of self, drives many of us to destructive addictions and other risky deadly behavior. We are the bewildered ones. In 12-Step recovery, when we clean house and calm down, many of us discover that those who mistreat us were often irritable, restless and discontent too. Love and tolerance of others is our code. Recovery allows us to be mindful of our instinctual natures while we nurture healthy relationships with others – free of shame.